The Essence of Me? Part I: The Dreamer

Introduction statement:

Ever had times when your thoughts seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time?  Well, try pinning down the essence that embodies your spiritual self.  When you think of the essence of Jesus, so many words come to mind.  In essence, Jesus is love.  The essence of Jesus is God.  The essence of Jesus is the center of my joy.  But what about you and me?

Lesson Learned Starts Below:

Forgive me, but my writing is all over the place!  How in the world do I come up with the essence of who I am?  I researched the word.  I asked folk.  My son said he knew what his essence was.  I was still lost… Does my essence emerge from my inner self or my inner beauty perhaps?  When I apply make-up to my face for a stage production, does my inner essence still shine through?  When a smile that reaches my eyes looks back at me from a picture, is that my essence? 

When I think of Jesus, I can’t help but feel His hand guiding my steps.  The essence of Jesus that dwells in me.  Could that be it?  Could it be that the essence of me is a faithful spirit that emanates and revolves around a desire to do God’s will?  Maybe…

Well, do I have life lessons that support the essence of me?

What about the essence of a dreamer?  The scripture says that God was there from the beginning, planning the world – stars, land, and water, man and woman, animals, and even those pesky insects!  He dreamed it.  He created it.  He continues to watch as humans (good and bad) live, build, destroy, create, and recreate.  God was a dreamer.

I always dream.  As a child, I dreamed of being a dancer, being a singer, being in love, being a teacher, and being brave.  If I can dream it, I can do it.  Once I see a dance combination in my mind, I can get my feet to do it. A song to sing?  If I can see the words and the music flowing, I can get myself together.  A sermon to preach, a presentation to give, if I can dream, I can do it.  If I can dream the lesson, I can teach it.  If I can dream, I can lead.  And all these things are possible because I can pray.

The dreamer in me thought I could be in a musical, which I haven’t done since high school. I played a hairdresser and was a part of the general cast in “Happy Birthday Black America”, written and directed by Grace Bradford.

Anyway, at 65 and 11 months, I received a call from the Director of Joseph and His Technicolor Dreamcoat (Dreamcoat”), “I loved your song, and would like you to be a part of Dreamcoat Ensemble. 

I have to sing, act, and dance at the same time.  I feel like I’m in the midst of a Dorthy in Oz-like dream… Acting, dancing, and singing, Oh my!!   I get more amazed at myself at each rehearsal.  Well, the singing rehearsals are pretty easy.  I’m taking my time learning the songs by heart. The dancing is a different thing.  I laugh at myself as I struggle through moves that I would have breezed through in the heyday of my dance life.

By the way, play choreographers expect you to catch on to movements immediately.  Not so for me anymore.  Dreamcoat’s choreographer is very kind and simplifies some of the moves for us, older cast members.  I watch and I watch.  I get the gist of things, and then I go home and practice, practice, practice, practice.  And what am I doing in between rehearsal and practice?  I pray and dream. 

So here is where the essence thing comes in.  I know I am not close to the best dancer there.  First practice, I looked pretty awkward doing the turn to the right, a kick out to the side, and quickly taking 8 steps back and striking a pose.  There was a time when I could make those moves with flair and style right on the spot.  But I had to go home and practice and dream. In my dream, I began to see the flair and style.

Anyway, at the next dance rehearsal, we began learning another dance.  It was an upbeat number (come to think of it, most of the songs are upbeat).  Pony, right, pony left, pony right, right up straight up, pony left, left arm straight up – the sequence began…

We were about to go through the combo one more time.  And, one of the other older ladies, pointing at the third lady dancing with us, said to me, “She’s following me, but I’m following you.  We are depending on you to lead us.” And that made me chuckle.

I wasn’t looking to lead anyone.  I was trying to get my old body to get the moves and my old mind to remember the moves while my vocal cords tried to remember what I was supposed to be singing (if anything).

I videoed the choreographer doing our moves because I needed to see it done properly in order to practice.  Not sure how they determined that I would be the leader.  That was not part of the dream.  I just agreed that we would work together so that we all knew what we were doing. 

I’m not the choreographer.  I do not get the moves right away.  I’m not dancing in the front row.  Nevertheless, someone still thought I was good enough to lead, and a director thought I could be part of the cast.

Did you know that dreamers have to be humble…

I remembered that I auditioned for another musical a year or so ago.  First part of the audition:  I had to sing a song. I chose one that I sang at my wedding.  I was awful. You would have thought I didn’t know the song at all!  When I had to dance, I was no better!  They had us dance in groups, and all the auditioners who caught on to the dance combination that I could have followed did not get into my group.  I, along with others like me, fumbled and misstepped across what appeared to be a huge stage.

There was no time to dream!!   I was so bad that as soon as I got home, I emailed the director and her team and apologized for letting down the senior citizens of the world… 

Another time, I auditioned to sing the lead on the song in a senior chorale.  I practiced and practiced.  I was cheered on by many in the choir who heard me sing.  Even the accompanist for the chorale encouraged me to try out.  So, I got up thinking I could.  Even though it was a secular song, I generally am best when I sing sacred songs.  The choir director began to play, and I began to sing.  You would have thought I did not know how to carry a tune, that I did not know how to read music and count measures, and that I had never sung to a piano accompaniment.  Again,  no dream, and it was horrible!!

So, I prayed and asked God if it was a good idea for me to audition for Dreamcoat.  I sang Climb Every Mountain from The Sound of Music, and I plodded through the dance routine.  I left that audition thinking, “Oh well, at least I sang pretty good.  I’ll do better next time.”  So, imagine my surprise when I got that phone call saying I had made the ensemble!

Let me see if I can tie my essence of leading into the essence of Christ that dwells in me.

Fast forward a month into Dreamcoat rehearsals.  I’m still hanging in there.  Perhaps the director, stage manager, choreographer music director all think I am an old lady just still trying to do my best. And, I’m thinking they are right.  But I can dream, can’t I?

Of course I can dream!  Leaning on the essence of Christ that dwells in me allows me to dream of all the possibilities.  My maturing essence to dreams leads me to seek ways to help, empathize, love, understand, share, teach, and preach Jesus.

As for Dreamcoat and me, being supported by the essence of Jesus that creates in me the ability to dream, I’m hard at work expecting a miracle.  A miracle that begins with a dream.  I dream of an opening night where I have all the songs, moves, and acting down, and I can execute with style and grace.

If I can dream it, I can do it.  In the first instance, the essence of me begins with a dream.